Ha.. interesting enough, besides some now and then disturbances, mentally I feel that I've more free time. Probably that's how people usually feel. Good also la, nothing's bad afterall (as learnt from friend). I was at the Central Forum and I just had to write something.. hahaa.. at least I only wrote it, I didn't write down my NAME there like someone else did (which I happen to walk past and saw today *guess who?*.
The irony in life, the degree of hatred/anger increases proportionally with the degree of liking? Then, that degree of liking may probably not be as high as one may think.
It's scary how self-absorbed one can be when emotionally down and how every word one hears can self-twisted to give some other meanings. A simple "sorry, I didn't see/missed your sms" can be decoded as "Sorry, I didn't want to reply your sms". Of course, such accusations are common due to the higher possibility that one can come up with such excuse than to actually miss out things. That was just an example. I believe, everyone has their own degree of self-absorbed moments.
Sometimes, the mind just changes. I used to think that if I'm really upset about something, I should never be happy, which means I should not smile at all, so that my feelings and my expressions are in line. Haha.. how naive. Then I realized that, no, I should try to smile more especially when I'm upset. Who would really care if I'm so upset, it's not as if the more upset I look people would come and comfort me and try to cheer me up. I mean, I'll probably scare people away and end up with more depressed. It's the, if you don't save yourself, you'll drown with help. I still can manage to forget this once in a while, and indulge in my pool of tears. So remind me if I seem to have forgotten, please.
I'm sorry that I managed to be decisive finally, after these years, and that it has to be on this issue (as you mentioned before downstairs).
I looked back on my December and January schedule, just like Fish mentioned, I seemed to be out so often. I realized now, that it might be my emotional escape. I am grateful that by chance, my friends are there for me, even if I probably never did speak about my problems and worries. Just the happiness you guys brought to me were already very therapeutic. Smiles, laughters, crazy k-boxing and sports were like my dosages of an·es·the·sia. It helped to get through those pressing months and ones coming. I'm grateful and can't imagine how it would be without you guys.
Just because I mentioned it before you do, doesn't mean that I'm feeling any better. Just because I seem to be smiling and all, doesn't mean that my heart doesn't weep. If I have to be down, I choose to still try to smile and take chances to be happy.
I apologize that I felt that some things would erupt ever so often in long term on either of our sides, and it would be of the same issues, and I am not able to hold through it. You can say that I've not been fair to you but are you really sure I felt that I was been fairly treated all the while? Feelings and perceptions are all subjective. I felt that I had done things (be it seen or unseen by you/others) at your best intentions but it could have probably been received in a totally different way.
Every time when I have a dumb smile on my face, just because I thought of you, or anything that could be 0.001% related to you.The times when I think of you and not tell, should not be disregarded.
Things are you see - are not everything.
Things oblivion to the eyes - are not nothing.
There's so much you don't know and understand and due to that, I'll be alright if you hate me or whatever. - If that's the rule to life, I brought it to myself.
As long as it helps, think whatever way you like, and for you I'll take it. =) 加油吧。 或许有一天你我邂逅时，你会是微笑的， 甚至是开心的为身旁的她做个介绍。
A missing piece in my life..
Some 2 people have really great imagination in creating stories.. tsk tsk.. here's a proof to it.. and see, both are scared of being video-d down. Just that one's more violent in stopping the paparazzi.. resulting in the stopping of the video. I've said what I have to say, the rest is up to you 2 scriptwriters to believe in.
I guess it's really final year stress. That's why my 2 friends are getting more creative in making stories... take care wor..
Franzoesisch Klasse war interessant! Haa... Monsieur Yannick.. Ich bin sicher, dass wir (die Klasse) uns zusammen gut angepasst werden. Aber zuerst muss ich mein Franzoesisch ueben... revision!!!
....und dabei bin ich Stolz auf mich!
Eher habe ich eine ganz dumme Sache auf der MRT Station getan. Unglaublich, Ich habe mein MRT karte mit meiner linken Hand genommen und war es ganz natürlich, dass ich die Karte auf die Maschine auf der Grenze auf meine linken Seite angetippt!! MAN! Natürlich macht die Tür, die ich vor gesteht, nicht auf! Nach ein Sekunde habe ich dann bemerkt, dass die Tür neben mir hat eigentlich aufgemacht! Das war so peinlich! Und weiß du was, bin ich damals total klar und einfach nicht besaufen! Hahaa.. ich habe mich so viel gelacht!
Immerhin habe ich heute Siwei, unser deutsche Gott, zufällig in Ingenieur Fakultät getroffen. Ich habe mich darauf sehr gefreut. Ich habe ihn schon fast sechs Monate nicht gesehen ? Das letztes Mal war vielleicht im Februar oder März in Stuttgart! Er und sein beliebte Karlsruhe.... und mich! Und später habe wir mit Yucheng Kaffee getrunken an der Arts Kantine.. es war entspannend mit dem sehr angenehm Sofa und Klimaanlage, aber leider habe ich kein Zeit zu völlig genießen, wegen meines Deutschkurs an der Goethe Institute in Winsland house II.
Mein Deutsch Unterricht war gut, weil ich habe viele Chance zu auf Deutsch sprechen. Obwohl kann ich nicht so gut sprechen, wegen meinem verschlechtern Anzahl der Vokabeln, aber trotzdem bin ich schon zufrieden... Am mindesten kann ich etwas sprechen, obwohl war es sehr begrenzt.
Nach der Unterricht bin ich nach Zouk gefahren und mit Peiming und Yingfong und Steven dort getroffen. Da ja es Mittwoch war, hatte ich 'Ladies Night' im Sinn, deshalb muss ich nichts bezahlen! haa..
Happy School Reopen~~ hahaa... I think I'm probably the only year 4 in NUS that's so excited about it. My friend said I was crazy to be excited about my first day of school when we were msn-ing the night before. Would you agree with my friend? Say nooooooo..
Well, actually today's my official first day la, since Monday's supposedly my free day, but BUT my prof chose to meet me on my free day... how amazing... strike 4D also easier can... and today? lesson ended at 9pm.. GEM2901, it's the first time I'm taking classes with Peiyu the fish and Xinyi the KS's gf ( i decided I need to give her a description like peiyu's haa..) ! Crazy.. the LT 25 was simply too small for the class.. not enough chairs and tables ..
EE3406 was good nevertheless, or maybe I just love to have lessons in Engineering Auditorium! =D Love the table and the seats hahaa...And yup, went for the DNA thingy... didn't know that I can make and re-know friends through DNA-"donation".. ha.. and I did. Diaoz...
I'm feeling so tired now... amazing.. I'm like tired so early each night.. must be the power of schooling... I love studying..
It's really the start of something new... jia you Xinli!
...I'm feeling not exactly fine now at all. I guess it'll take time.
加油吧！新莉！愿你也是！
Ich beneide mich auf sie.... wenn nur Europa nicht so weit ist und sie können mir besuchen... =\
In my dreams.. haa...
Did I just found my 2 primary school close friends in facebook? I hope so... seriously I miss them pretty much, if not because I lost contact with them... totally no idea what happened. Blame it on the shifting houses and snail mailing with no return addresses and changed phone numbers... The miracles of facebook! =D Did I realize that she's in GERMANY?! For exchange? Man... if she's really that Yvonne that I know.. it's how funny how we miss each other just by some days, ok maybe almost a month, in germany... and in nus too? hmm....
Sigh... I miss that german speaking country.... so much.
Today was a food day out with Yok and Fish! Pictures available in facebook... haa... I love the cute and delicious desserts in Bakerzin!
And the funniest part, all these problems sound kind of similar but really different in their own way.
"everything happens for a reason, perhaps it doesn't seem so now, but it will eventually." - how true...
Plötzlich habe ich bemerkt, dass vielleicht es der Zeit ist, bin ich dran, "der Teufel" zu sein. Oder, vielleicht wäre ich schon das Opfer. Auf jeden Fall wäre es mir egal, wegen des scheißen Ergebnis.
